“On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.” – President Barack Obama, Inauguration Address, January 20, 2009
It is the season for new starts. The eyes of the world are on us as we set forth on a new journey of hope and change, mindful of the hard work ahead. It is an historic, emotional and exciting time as we begin a new chapter and it is difficult to find words that have not already been said, thoughts that have not already been expressed, wishes that have not been wished. There is a lot of work to do and it’s time to get going. Change has come.
The new semester began last week as well. A new semester, new faces, new courses and new challenges.
Chris walked in early Wednesday evening and put his books down on the long, lab-like table. I was happy to see him. He was in my Psychology class last semester and I had really enjoyed getting to know him. I always like it when there’s a familiar face or two in the crowd. It helps with the opening night jitters.
One of the things I like most about working at the college is the wide diversity of students on campus. Not just ethnic diversity, but all kinds of diversity from age and economic standing to diversity of faith and language and culture. In the same class sits a young, green, college freshman and a grizzled life veteran who never imagined he’d end up at a place like this. Chris is one of those guys. A recovering alcoholic, Chris is studying to become a certified alcohol and drug counselor. He wants to give back to the community that reached out to him when he needed it most.
He walked up to the front of the room as I was getting myself ready and the other students were arriving. He kneeled down on one knee and looked me straight in the eye, the way you do when you’re about to say something really serious. He paused a moment to clear a scratchy throat.
“I can’t believe I got a “B” in your class last semester.”
Anybody who has ever taught has heard that line before. What the student often means is I can’t believe you gave me a B when I should have gotten an A. Heck, I’ve said it myself a couple of dozen or so times, only usually not out loud.
Except Chris didn’t mean it that way.
“I can’t believe I got a B in your class last semester.” He couldn’t believe he had done so well.
“I have to tell you,” he continued, “From the very first day I came into class, I wanted to run for the door. I looked around at all the other students and thought ‘they’re all younger than me and smarter than me and I don’t think I can do this.’ But I sat down anyway. And the next time I came into class, the same thoughts started running through my head. ‘I’m not smart enough,’ I thought. ‘I won’t be able to keep up with the work. I won’t be able to do this.’ And still I stayed.”
“As the semester wore on and we started talking about things, so much of my life flashed before my eyes. I had to look at things I didn’t want to look at. Painful things. Scary things. Things that I had shoved away in a deep dark drawer, never intended to be opened. And I wanted to run for the exit. But still I stayed.”
And stay he did. Every week he sat right in front of me, his textbook open, his notebook at the ready. Every week he participated and shared and was 100% present. I never knew how hard it was for him. He never let on.
On New Year’s Eve, I make the obligatory list of things that I hope to accomplish. My own “to do” list for the coming year. Things that I need to change. Tasks that I want to complete. Dreams that I want to fulfill. Losing weight is always on it as is learning to have a different relationship with money. There are always dreams about travel or learning how to speak Italian or finishing the book that I started writing far too long ago. And not surprisingly on December 31, that list gets rolled over into the following year. Something always gets in the way.
I’m tired of rolling it over.
What is it that holds us back? Why is it so easy to run for the door instead of staying put? What keeps us from pursuing our dreams? Why is it easier to let the clutter take over, the noise of every day life, the voices that say to us ‘I can’t do this. I’m not smart enough or young enough or rich enough. The road ahead is too long. The job is too big. What if I fail?’
Why do we choose fear over hope?
Today we begin a journey towards hope. It is time to tackle that list, to change the things we want to, to walk towards our dreams, to reach out to others and make this country a better place to live. Instead of running for the doors, we have a chance to stay put, face our challenge and see what happens next.
Today we have a chance to change our future.