"If the only prayer you ever say is 'Thank you,' that is enough." - Meister Eckhart
I haven't been here in a while.
Each semester I feel like Alice, falling headfirst into the rabbit hole and toppling, toppling, spinning and swirling in an endless abyss. Days and weeks and months of swirling.
Each week looks the same. A hamster on a wheel. Run. Run. Run. Squeak. Squeak. Squeak. Harder. Faster.
Must. Keep. Going.
I am thankful to be running.
And while I was running, the air has gotten cooler. The trees are bare, leaves cascading from the branches and painting the lawn in swathes of red and gold and magnificent orange. The darkness comes too quickly and I flip the pages on the calendar. Quickly. Too Quickly.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. There will be an empty seat at our table but across the miles, an extra one elsewhere, as college kid shares dinner with a roommate and his family. I am grateful for generosity.
The phone rang this morning. It was college kid. We talked for a long time. "Life is good", he said and he told me the reasons why.
It wasn't always like that. A year ago, when we would talk to him on the phone, he would tell us things were fine. But they really weren't.
"He's fine," the principal would say.
"Something's wrong," I said. And I was right.
A mother knows these things.
But now, this time, I believed him. "I'm good," he said when we talked this morning, and he proceeded to tell me things, real things. Things that mattered to him. "I'm good." he repeated and I could tell he really was.
And for that I am thankful.
It won't be too long before his brother is off too. Off to explore, to find his way in the big, wide world. I try to remember that his days at home are numbered, try to remind myself to stay in the moment, to be as present as possible, even while I am running, while the wheel squeaks.
And while I was running, he was becomming. A bright and compassionate and funny person, all his own. He is knee deep in college applications and senior service projects and a social life that has blossomed from the tiniest little bud into a bright and brilliant flower.
And for that I am thankful.
There are so many things. Friends who make me laugh and are there when I cry. Colleagues who believe in me. Students who challenge me. Opportunities that come when I least expect it. A bed to sleep in, a home to keep me warm.
And family, who are always there.
For that I am thankful.