It is a phone call no parent wants to receive. A child is missing —or even worse, presumed dead. That was the call that Sally McQuillen and her husband, Joe, received on a cold January day, nine years ago. Their 21 year old son, Christopher, and three friends, drowned in a boating accident when the canoe they were in capsized on an icy lake in Wisconsin. Sally shares her journey through that life changing experience in Reaching for Beautiful, a memoir that captures her deep love for her son, the agonizing grief of his loss and the lessons learned through a profound experience she has since learned to embrace as a gift.
Christopher was, in Sally’s words, a “wild child.” Prior to getting married and beginning a family, both Sally and her husband struggled with addiction, but by the time Christopher was born, both had embraced years of sobriety and believed they could protect their children from the mistakes they’d made. And yet, despite all the preparation that goes into it, parenting is often a journey without a road map. The oldest of three, Christopher struggled with ADHD and later, addiction, but years of treatment gave him a path to sobriety, so by the time he entered college, he was on his way to a brighter future. But it was not meant to be.
“He had a couple of near death accidents, even when sober, says Sally, “So that just kind of showed me that what I’ve come to believe is true, I don’t think that he was meant to be here for longer than his 21 years.”
Sally McQuillen, LCSW, CADC, is a psychotherapist specializing in addiction, grief, and trauma recovery. Based in the Chicago area, she provides ongoing support for addiction recovery, as well as support for those recovering from the impact of a loved one’s addiction. She works with clients to find peace and healing from trauma and loss.
As you listen to this powerful interview, consider:
As parents (and teachers, coaches, mentors), we falsely believe that we can protect our children for pain rather than allowing them to learn the lessons of their own lives. How can we foster resistance in our young people?
Often, when people experience grief, they try to shield themselves from the pain they are experiencing. How can you allow yourself to feel “through the feelings” through journaling, therapy, connecting with others who are experiencing similar paths, etc.
Love is all that matters. That’s the message that Sally learned from her son. Being grateful for those moments where love shines through is key. Consider keeping a gratitude journal each day, noting one or more things you’re grateful for.
You can listen to Sally’s interview here.
You can learn more about Sally and Reaching for Beautiful here.